Night and Day

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning ."
(Psalm 30:5 – New Living Translation)

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The nights in Pan town over the past few weeks have been unbearable. The sun disappears at the end of the day, but the temperature remains high. The sweat on my body is sticky and cannot be tamed. Even after a cold shower, within seconds, I’m not sure if the drips of water on my arm are because I didn’t dry my arm yet, or because sweat is already forming. My room is dark and scary – dark either due to limited electricity, or due to keeping lights off to minimize the bugs. The darkness hides everything from sight, but not from one’s ears.

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The sounds of large bugs flying into the walls, or crawling out of the holes in the wooden door, alert me to their presence. The flicker of a candle or a flashlight pinpoint the flying creatures and a flip flop sends them flying elsewhere. A small triumph in the midst of the darkness. But soon more will come. For some reason, my ears have become especially attuned to these intruders, and even without the light, I can sense exactly where they may be crawling on the floor – typically towards my bed. Is my keen sense of bug-whereabouts, a blessing or a curse? I’m not sure.

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As I sleep in the dark, my bed becomes moist as the electricity goes off, the fan ceases spinning, and my body tries its best to cool itself. Around midnight, when all is even more dark than before, a trip to the roof gives me a chance to cool off- as it is 3-4 degrees cooler up there. After returning to bed, sleep comes and goes, and around 2am, a cold shower is taken, and a few more bugs are eliminated.

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The darkness still remains.

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A few hours after that, the first glimmer of the sun shines through my window. As my eyes also crack open, the joy begins to set in. In spite of the exhaustion of just getting through the night, the light of day brings so much hope with it. The heat may still be just as intense, and there may be bugs still crawling around. But somehow, the light provides a way to see out of the situation, a way to get beyond the darkness.

How true this verse is- Psalm 30:5.

And for how many situations it may be applied to. What a blessing to experience His Word in a real (frightful yet joyful) way. Thank you Lord for providing the Light of Lights to shine through this dark world, so that we might rejoice in the morning.

At night we may cry, but when morning comes, we will celebrate.
(Psalm 30:5 – Contemporary English Version)

"Don't worry, it will grow back."

While passing through the capitol city, I got my hair cut, a little above the shoulders (probably 5-6 inches off). I waited until I came back to Asia to get it cut, cause it’s cheaper here, plus you get it your head shampooed and massaged for free! I got it cut because it is difficult to bathe here at times – depending on the weather, or the water, or any number of things. It will also help keep lice and other buggies out, which most of the girls have here at the orphanage where I live. I just figured it would be easier to manage if it was shorter. I knew I would disappoint most of my friends here, since long hair is cherished much more. But I didn’t realize how much I would disappoint them. Most of my welcome back conversations have included the following:

“Why did you cut your hair? I liked it better before. It’s okay now, but it was better before. Don’t worry it will grow back. Hair grows faster in the winter, it will come back quickly. Now you are more a foreigner, before you were Indian.”

(See photo of some of the girls at the orphanage where I live, and you can kind-of see my haircut too…the girl in the front in the middle has taken a special interest in me and greets me every day when I wake up and when I come back from meeting with teams. I’ll write more about her another time. I’ll call her Sarah. (P.S. Some of the girls are holding up a picture of my family - a request they made before I left).

All of the comments made me laugh, but especially the last one. First of all, I like that just the length of my hair can dictate my ethnicity! But it’s also interesting to think that I spent the first two years in India trying hard to become Indian, I even dyed my hair black and resisted cutting it as much as possible. But now, out of practicality, I have given up trying to become what I will never be. What has been stated is true. I am a foreigner. Always have been, always will be.

And yet, if I am a foreigner here, why do I sometimes feel like a foreigner at home? I still feel like I fit more at home, after all I’ve spent most of my life there in that culture, language, etc. But there is a part of me that has been changed after being over here. A part of me that can never change back. I’m still pondering this fact, and haven’t come to any conclusions as to how it has and is, and will continue to impact my life. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic – those who have wrestled with something similar in their lives, or who have known others who have handled this bi-culture type of life.