Always looking ahead - the good and the bad.

Even though I have been back in the USA for a while now, the years I lived overseas are never far away from my mind.  And yet at the same time, they are so far away they could be in another lifetime.

Over the past 6 months or or so, I have started to ‘plant myself’ and “be” in one place in the USA.  Before that, I was always moving, always waiting for the next thing, usually that next thing was literally, the next plane.

Last Fall, I started teaching 3rd grade Sunday School on Sunday mornings at my church and continue to teach ESL on Monday nights there too- two things that I could not have comitted to, in my previous life.  I started investing in friendships more frequently, that normally would go weeks or months without connecting again because of my travel schedule.

But I still find myself living in two worlds.  Eight years of my mind continually wondering "what’s next" has trained me to continue doing so.  Some of this is good, in the sense that God is always moving us in and through circumstances to develop our relationship with Him.

We should not become stagnant in our walk with the Lord or in our relationship with others.  Growing is not a stand-still process.

But some of this continual looking to see what is next, is not so good.  It causes impatience, frustration and dissatisfaction.

I find that I am impatient with people who are never content with what they have - when every single one of my friends in South Asia have less than anyone I know in America.  I am frustrated when I end up wanting more than I need, and then I remember those same friends in South Asia.  I am dissatisfied with the never ending ravine that divides the two worlds I have lived in.

When I am impatient, I need to remember that to look down on God’s blessings, even the material ones, is like refusing a gift from someone who desperately wants to give it to you.

When I am frustrated, I need to remember that God loves me and approves of me, and to live like He doesn’t is to deny His very words.

When I am dissatisfied, I need to remember that this world is not my home, and we are strangers here.

For now, God has called me to live in this tension.  Help me Lord, to follow You through it.