Sunday, January 29, 2017

It will get worse before it gets better...

That's essentially what my doctor told me when I asked her about a variety of third trimester struggles.

The past two nights have been yet again challenging in terms of sleeping. Everything I've read, and everyone I talked to says the same thing: "This is normal and just preparation for what is to come."

So much to look forward to!

But I mean this in the most positive way.  While there are hard things about this phase of life, knowing the reason for it is life-giving, even in the midst of feeling sleep deprived. There are many hard things in life we experience that we don't ever know the reasons for, or at least we generally can't understand the reasons prior to experiencing them.
Pregnancy is a constant reminder of what is involved when new-life is created, with labor and delivery as the pinnacle.
But so much of growing and birthing and caring for a baby happens on the side, behind the scenes.

The unspoken things that your body goes through during pregnancy, are just one example of the hidden sacrifices of mommies everywhere.  I'm only just beginning to understand some of them.  And no, I can't say I embrace them fully 24 hours/day.  I need the Lord's help even now to see and embrace His hidden treasures for me in what are truly relatively minor third trimester woes.
In the same way, I will need his help in the middle of the night 3 months from now when I will want to give up on breastfeeding.  I will need his help in the middle of the day when Baby Eno decides to cry uncontrollably and I can't get her to stop.  I will need his help when Jason and I disagree on parenting, or anything else for that matter and lack of sleep makes what might be a minor issue feel like life and death.
It scares me how much I will need the Lord, and how much I already need Him now in ways I didn't even a few months ago.  And yet, it comforts me because He is the only one who can provide the help, the comfort and yes, the discipline I need.
Am I ready to grow, just like this little one is growing inside me right now?  Am I ready to be fed, to be changed, to be held, to be loved in all new ways by my Heavenly Father?
Even though you get 9 months to prepare for it, I am sure I am not ready.  But Jesus is ready, and has been from the beginning of time.  He can't wait :-) He knows it is good for me.
As we have throughout this journey in particular, we will continue to ask the Lord daily for help, and for guidance.  I will ask others to pray the same for me.
I know I will not always receive His care with humility, or happiness. But I will trust Him and what He is doing.  He has already proven himself to me throughout my life, and this is just one more thing He is doing.
And there is no doubt, this will be life-changing.
It's true, here on earth, a variety of things might get worse before they get better, but no matter what, when God gives me a taste of a heavenly perspective, the best is always yet to come!

The night may be filled with tears, but in the morning we can sing for joy!
- Psalm 30:5


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