Today (August 6th), emotions hit me from a new angle.
At Lily's eye doctor appointment (for a slightly clogged tear duct), the nurse asked me a variety of questions about Lily's life.
She asked things like, "Are there any dogs in the home?" "Does anyone smoke in the house?" etc.
Then she asked this one, " Does Lily have any siblings?"
I hesitated for what felt like a loooong time.
My thoughts immediately wanted to respond, "Well...she did.... I mean, she does... I mean...I just held Lily's little sister a few weeks ago, but... she's not here anymore.....I mean, basically...I just had a miscarriage..."
But, I swallowed my thoughts, and managed to remember that this was simply a black and white questionnaire. I realized the question really meant to ask: "Does Lily currently have any living siblings, or if she did - did any of them have eye/vision issues..."
So I simply said, "No."
And then ALMOST fell apart. But I didn't.
Between trying to appease Lily's hungry grunts by looking in the diaper bag for snacks, and trying to pay attention to the nurse's next questions, my emotions were blocked in a healthy way, in that moment. Thankfully, I could put them on hold to focus on the task at hand.
But now I can reflect a bit more on the morning.
In spite of this painful question, the morning at the hospital was wonderful. Once again, in the midst of the real, gut wrenching painful truth, there is hope.
There is life. There is beauty.
Actually, there was this tree in the reception area. Somewhat awkwardly placed, and also somewhat gaudy, but also pretty at the same time. I imagine it's lights look even more attractive when it's dark outside.
But, what meant a lot to me was the sign next to it.
If you can't quite see the words, the sign basically says that in Japan, the cherry blossom tree is a reminder of fragility and beauty of life - and that these trees bloom only for a short time each year in April. They serve as a reminder of how precious and precarious life can be - and that the Japanese people are reminded by these trees to remember those who have been lost.
The last sentence surprised me: "This tree stands in honor of families and friends of Nemours Children's Hospital coping with a loss this holiday season."
Maybe I'm missing something. Or maybe "the first day of school," has recently been labeled a holiday? Or maybe they forgot to take the tree down from Easter? What "holiday season" occurs in August?
Or maybe...just maybe, this tree is meant to be here for me, for today, for Promise.
In addition to this good gift given to me by the Lord, Lily and I had a joyful time adventuring to her appointment together.
We especially enjoyed the massive windows outside of the Ophthalmology department from which we could look out and see the world below.
A new angle, a new view, a dose of emotions, remembrance for Promise, and a thankful heart for my little Lily.
At Lily's eye doctor appointment (for a slightly clogged tear duct), the nurse asked me a variety of questions about Lily's life.
She asked things like, "Are there any dogs in the home?" "Does anyone smoke in the house?" etc.
I hesitated for what felt like a loooong time.
My thoughts immediately wanted to respond, "Well...she did.... I mean, she does... I mean...I just held Lily's little sister a few weeks ago, but... she's not here anymore.....I mean, basically...I just had a miscarriage..."
But, I swallowed my thoughts, and managed to remember that this was simply a black and white questionnaire. I realized the question really meant to ask: "Does Lily currently have any living siblings, or if she did - did any of them have eye/vision issues..."
So I simply said, "No."
And then ALMOST fell apart. But I didn't.
Between trying to appease Lily's hungry grunts by looking in the diaper bag for snacks, and trying to pay attention to the nurse's next questions, my emotions were blocked in a healthy way, in that moment. Thankfully, I could put them on hold to focus on the task at hand.
But now I can reflect a bit more on the morning.
In spite of this painful question, the morning at the hospital was wonderful. Once again, in the midst of the real, gut wrenching painful truth, there is hope.
There is life. There is beauty.
Actually, there was this tree in the reception area. Somewhat awkwardly placed, and also somewhat gaudy, but also pretty at the same time. I imagine it's lights look even more attractive when it's dark outside.
But, what meant a lot to me was the sign next to it.
If you can't quite see the words, the sign basically says that in Japan, the cherry blossom tree is a reminder of fragility and beauty of life - and that these trees bloom only for a short time each year in April. They serve as a reminder of how precious and precarious life can be - and that the Japanese people are reminded by these trees to remember those who have been lost.
The last sentence surprised me: "This tree stands in honor of families and friends of Nemours Children's Hospital coping with a loss this holiday season."
Maybe I'm missing something. Or maybe "the first day of school," has recently been labeled a holiday? Or maybe they forgot to take the tree down from Easter? What "holiday season" occurs in August?
Or maybe...just maybe, this tree is meant to be here for me, for today, for Promise.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (Psalm 16:9-11)
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (Psalm 16:9-11)
We especially enjoyed the massive windows outside of the Ophthalmology department from which we could look out and see the world below.
A new angle, a new view, a dose of emotions, remembrance for Promise, and a thankful heart for my little Lily.
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