Saturday, February 7, 2009

Heart-wrenching feeling of being in the right place, but missing another.

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Yesterday was one of those days, where I felt complete satisfaction in my job. I was meeting with “my” team – “Pomegranate.” Instead of just the mediator between the consultant and the team, I am actually this team’s consultant (with coaching), so naturally, I have a bit more interest in them and their stories. I could feel myself truly loving interacting with them, just enjoying being able to ask them questions out of my own curiosity. There was one moment, when "James" beat me to an idea for making his story better. And I can say I worked hard all week for that moment!

Similar to teaching, when your ‘student’ realizes something on his own, it is the most satisfying moment the ‘teacher’ can have. Watching someone ‘get it’ – even if it’s a small point, it is unlike anything else.

I had moments of, I love this, I want to do more of this (i.e. one-to-one consultant with national teams). I’m thankful for those moments, they keep me going, they inspire me. In spite of the long week and long hours, yesterday was a wonderful day.

This morning was a different feeling. Perhaps just a tiresome Saturday morning, recovering from the week, but I was listening to various music – some from the ‘Fray’ – which my brother Mark gave me at one point. I then started missing Mark, and just wanting more than anything to be home again.

Then, I cried, feeling lonely and wishing to be home. But not exactly just homesick. More like a heart-wrenching feeling of this is what I’m supposed to be doing but it hurts being here too. I can’t describe it. I guess maybe because I have these passing thoughts of, “When I’m done here, I’m going home and staying there forever.” Then in another moment I think, “I love this! I’m going to do this the rest of my life – this is truly what God has for me.” Can these two things ever be combined?

I know I’m in the right place…and there are moments, like yesterday where I have no doubt about that, and really love what I do. But then there are moments like this morning, where I…well…just miss home.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I miss you!!!
<3 Berta

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