Remembering who God is

I am in the midst of a season of anxiety. And okay, sure - let's lump in depression in there too -since they often to gather. It's not necessarily debilitating, but it is pervasive. It affects all areas of my life - and Lord knows it basically ruins my mood on any given day, no matter what is going on.

I’m trying to figure out how to be a Mommy to Lily, how to work my job, how to keep up with the house, the meals, and the laundry...to name a few mostly minor things that almost all people deal with all the time.

I know, I know - “just wait til you have another kid,” or “just wait until something really bad happens…” I realize that there are more challenges ahead (Lord willing!). And, I realize that comparatively speaking, my life is indeed spectacular. I get that.

Of course, the danger with comparison is that it either reinforces pride, or sharply stabs you with weighty guilt.

For me, right now, in the midst of my spectacular life, I’m still just trying to understand all the pieces of it and how I can get them to work together fluidly, which perhaps is futile.

Yes, I’ll admit, I’m struggling primarily because I am still resisting the fact that I am not in control, that I can’t do it all, that I do make mistakes, and therefore: I am not perfect.

UGH.

Growing up is hard because it is so continual. It is never done. It is never complete.

This truth was reinforced quite powerfully after I became a Mommy. And perhaps it is still only a gentle revealing of all I still have yet to realize...did I say yet that our growing up is never ever fully finished?

I am coming to understand that whatever is causing my unhappiness, my unsettledness, my constant state of anxiety is not Lily’s fault, it is not Jason’s fault, it is not because of the weather, and it is not because of the dog….well, at least not all the time.

Like Eve, in the Garden, I too look for someone or something to blame when I feel the consequences of my own failure to trust God’s good plans for me.

While there are serious clinical diagnosis for anxiety and depression, I am sure that 99% of the time, my own specific struggle with it is spiritual.

I don’t mean that the answer is as simple as: read your Bible more. Finding stability and peace is deeper than just checking something off a list in hopes that something you do will save your life.

The reality is that we are not capable of saving ourselves.

The root of my confusion in life, or uncertainty about my who I am, or the overall tight shoulder muscles because I'm not taking full breaths, is because I am looking to myself for the answer and in turn completely forgetting to remember who God is.

When I let myself think about God, just for a minute, I am no longer anxious. I am no longer upset. How can I be?

Still, I so often need help focusing on what is true and what is good, when the frustration, the anger, and the discontentment wells up inside me.

For now, for today, let me listen as someone else reflects on who God is and what He has done.

This is From 2 Samuel 22...David sang this to the Lord when the Lord delivered him from his enemies. David was as good as dead - most likely filled with anxiety. He reflects on God’s awesomeness and faithfulness. David cannot help but sing His praises because His deliverance so clearly could not have come from himself - it had to be the Lord.

David’s response to his salvation is a humble recognition that he is helpless, but he is not without the Help of the only One who can bring life from inevitable destruction. David’s dependence is not on himself, but on the Lord.

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

  my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,

   my shield and the horn of my salvation.

He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior—

   from violent people you save me.

I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,

   and have been saved from my enemies.

In my distress I called to the Lord;

   I called out to my God.

From his temple he heard my voice;

   my cry came to his ears.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

   he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

   from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

   but the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place;

   he rescued me because he delighted in me.

You, Lord, are my lamp;

   the Lord turns my darkness into light.

With your help I can advance against a troop;

   with my God I can scale a wall.

As for God, his way is perfect:

   The Lord’s word is flawless;

   he shields all who take refuge in him.

For who is God besides the Lord?

   And who is the Rock except our God?

It is God who arms me with strength

   and keeps my way secure.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;

   he causes me to stand on the heights.

You provide a broad path for my feet,

   so that my ankles do not give way.

The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock!

   Exalted be my God, the Rock, my Savior!

I will praise you, Lord, among the nations;

   I will sing the praises of your name.

Psalm 16

Sam asked me to share something with the teams last night, to encourage them as we prepare for the week ahead.

I shared Psalm 16, and talked about how this Psalm has carried me through various frustrations in my life.  I focused on a few particular verses.

"Keep me safe, O God, I've run for dear life to you.  I say to God, 'Be my lord' without you nothing makes sense.  My choice is you, God, first and only.  And now I find that I'm your choice!  You set me up with a house and a yard.  And then you made me your heir!  I'm happy from the inside out, and from the outside in, I'm firmly formed.  You canceled my ticket to hell - that's not my destination.  Now you've got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face.  Ever since you took my hand, I'm on the right way."  (Psalm 16: 1-2, 5-6, 9-11)

I shared how God has not only called me to this work, but he has provided everything I need to do it.  Not everything I think I need.  But everything I need.  The goals or outcome of the job change along the way and thus some of what I may have needed truly is no longer needed.  But either way, God is not going to leave me hanging.

I shared that many times I have (and still do) think and act like I can do this work on my own.  I forget God, and move forward in my own strength. And then when things don't go as I had planned, I get upset, and hold God responsible.  My own strength has failed me and my own plans have confused me.  Yet, even in these moments, God is still sovereignly ensuring that any side-tracks I take eventually lead back to Him, and the far better plan and path he has designed for me.

Not strange, but still confusing...

The strangest thing about coming to S. Asia is that it doesn't feel strange anymore.

This is a good thing in the sense that it minimizes stress while traveling.  But the 'normal-ness' also confuses me.

The men staring, the car horns honking, the insane traffic never letting up, the electricity continually fluctuating, - it all feels normal.  Normal, that is for S. Asia. Take any one of those components and throw it into America and all of the sudden it won't feel normal or acceptable anymore (at least not in most places).

How is it that within 24 hours, I can be transported from one world to another?  So close, and yet so so so far away.

And yet normal?  How is it that something so foreign can feel so familiar?  And vice versa- when I return to the USA many times, those familiar things can feel completely foreign.  That begs the question then, what is truly familiar and what is truly foreign in the first place?  Perhaps both places are more foreign than I realize.

It still amazes me.  Getting on the plane in America, getting off in India.  What happens during that space in between that results in drastic differences on both sides?  And how is it that these stark differences feel quite normal to me now?

Something inside of me has always rejected the idea that these two worlds can exist in the same galaxy.

I feel the normalcy in both places.  But at times, in both places, I still feel lost.

Last night, the darkness of the night accompanied me in the taxi between the airport to the transit flat.  I looked around for some sense of constant on which to hang my confusion and curiosity.  I want something to connect the two worlds I try so hard to belong to.

And yet... try as I might, I know this world is not my home (Phil. 3:20). 

My longing for something more only indicates a deep desire for another world altogether (C.S. Lewis).

Do you feel content? I just have to say that, for today, by His grace, I do!

Do you ever feel completely content?

Some time ago, I think I would have answered this by saying, “No.”  One can never be fully content.

But…over the past week or so, I feel like I have not only been content, but also happy.  Somehow, by God’s grace, I feel content, happy, satisfied, excited to be alive, and thankful for where I am and the circumstances that I am in.

I’m not sure how this fully contented feeling will last, but I’m rejoicing in it for all it’s worth!

I do not know where I will be a year from now, let alone two or three years from now.  I don’t know if I will live in America, or Africa (and I don’t mean to say Africa as a far-out possibility- it might actually be more of a reality than not!).  I don’t know if I will be single, or married, or pregnant (wow- that’s an incredible thought!).  I don’t know if I will be in the same job I am working now, or another one.

But, I love that!

How exciting to think anything is possible, and that a wonderful plan is unfolding even as I type this blog entry!  I have more questions than answers to my life, but I feel content with those unanswered questions.  At least right now, in this particular moment.  (Ask me tomorrow, and I may feel differently!)

Circumstances change faster than a hungry cheetah chases its dinner.

Shifts in weather bring unanticipated winds and storms, but also beautiful rainbows, fresh perspectives, and new growth.

Our life really is temporary.  Our days seem shorter than they used to be.

But this is no reason to give in or give up.

This is every reason to stand up, stand tall, to run, to fly!

As a child of the King, I am an inheritor of the earth!  (Matthew 5:5)

And, it is in that King that I’ve been finding extreme delight and a purpose for life lately!

I just can’t keep it in any longer, I had to share this renewed excitement.

Tomorrow may come, and most likely bring floods of discouragement, and discontentment.

But, be that as it may, right now, I have to capitalize on this joy right now, while it is stirring inside of me!

So, for today, I embrace where I am, finding true contentment in the only One who can give it fully.

A highway with a mountain at the end...

Do you ever feel like you are standing on the highway of life, and you’ve come a point where the world around you is standing still and you have a few seconds to consider where you are, to look back on the road you’ve come from, and gaze down the road in front of you?

You’ve been on a journey for a while.

You lift your foot to take a step forward, but as you take another long glance down the unending road, you hesitate…

Wondering…

Asking questions…

Is this really the course I am to take?

Am I sure I didn’t take a wrong turn somewhere?

There is a huge mountain at the end of this road…will I have enough energy to climb it when I get there?

Do I dare set out on such an uncertain mission knowing that all odds are against me?

There aren’t any exists, or even rest-stops in the foreseeable future.

Once I start down this road, there is no going back.

Or is it really that serious?  That sounds so final, like such a commitment.

Surely, there’s always a way out, right?

I can change my mind half-way if really need to, right?

Um.  It is serious, it is a commitment, and no- you cannot change your mind half-way there.

I hear voices behind me helping me think through very real consequences of moving forward.

I see faces in front of me drawing my attention to lasting effects of staying where I am.

I hear my own heart pounding as it struggles in the middle.

I begin to ask deeper questions.

What is my motivation for staying where I am, or for moving forward?

What is my purpose, my passion, my aim, my goal, my reason for what I do, what I say, and who I am?

Are these the questions I should be asking?

Or should I ask:  What is God’s purpose, passion, aim, goal, and reason for my existence?

He created me.  Surely, He has a plan, passion and purpose for the Life He has given me.

Hmmm.

Here I am, in the middle of the highway, with my foot raised, ready to take a step forward.

But still hesitating…

…just a few thoughts sparked by a conference I recently attended, some emails and conversations with friends, and my own curiosity of what lies ahead, and the dilemma of knowing that I will never really fully know what that is.  In this entry, I’m reflecting on a few different topics, which I have not mentioned explicitly.  I may blog more about a particular one at some point…We’ll see.  I may at least try to give more clarity to the confusing chaos here, as things become more refined in my own heart and mind…

Wait Quietly - Streams in the Desert

As I ask God to show me what is next, I am very much enjoying the conversation.

It seems He helps me think through pros of one situation and then I ask, 'So, are you telling me to go there?'   To which He answers, 'I didn't say that.  I am just helping you in the process... I haven't shown you clearly just yet.  Keep asking and keep listening.'

Anyway, this devotional was encouraging to me today.

It reminded me again to wait.  To be patient.  To trust God's promises.

-----Streams in the Desert - March 14----- 

"And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise" (Heb. 6:15).

Abraham was long tried, but he was richly rewarded. The Lord tried him by delaying to fulfill His promise. Satan tried him by temptation; men tried him by jealousy, distrust, and opposition; Sarah tried him by her peevishness. But he patiently endured. He did not question God's veracity, nor limit His power, nor doubt His faithfulness, nor grieve His love; but he bowed to Divine Sovereignty, submitted to Infinite Wisdom, and was silent under delays, waiting the Lord's time. And so, having patiently endured, he obtained the promise.

God's promises cannot fail of their accomplishment. Patient waiters cannot be disappointed. Believing expectation shall be realized.

Beloved, Abraham's conduct condemns a hasty spirit, reproves a murmuring one, commends a patient one, and encourages quiet submission to God's will and way. Remember, Abraham was tried; he patiently waited; he received the promise, and was satisfied. Imitate his example, and you will share the same blessing.
--Selected 

What does He want me to sacrifice?

So, I was checking the story of Abraham and the sacrifice of his son, Isaac, today….

This has to be one of my most favorite stories of all time.

Every time I read it, I learn something, and something attracts my attention in a new way.

In short, the story starts when God makes a promise to Abraham that he will have a son in his old age.  It is very hard to believe, but God’s promise comes true.  And sure enough, Abraham and his wife, (who are both very old), have a child.  They have a son.  When the boy is older, God tests Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his son.  Abraham obediently begins to follow God’s instructions.  Pretty soon, Abraham’s son is on the altar- ready to be sacrificed, and Abraham is about to cut his son.  God calls to him and stops him.  God tells Abraham how he knows now that Abraham has faith in God, because he was willing to give up his only son.  God then blesses Abraham abundantly- more than he could ever ask or imagine.

Today, as I reviewed the story, I was again, challenged by Abraham’s faith when he and his son are on their way up the mountain and his son asks, ‘Where is the ram for the sacrifice?’  Abraham replies, ‘God will take care of it.’  I am far too often like Isaac and want to have all my ducks (rams) lined up in a row, before I even have need of them.  I am always convicted that I need to constantly remember that God WILL take care of it – just as He always has before.

But….that lesson wasn’t one I felt particularly drawn to today.

Today, I felt a question being asked of me… ‘What is God asking me to sacrifice?’

I find it very interesting that God GAVE Abraham a son.  He then tested him by asking him to give it away – seeming to take away the very promise He had given.  It must have been completely beyond comprehension for Abraham.  Yet, he had no reason to doubt God’s plans, so he obeyed.

What has God given me that perhaps he wants me to let go of?

Not necessarily to take it away from me, but to truly see my faith and dependence on Him alone – not in the good gifts he gives.

Oh, tears come to my eyes…because just in the past few days, my love for South Asia has been renewed.  My desire to live here has returned stronger than ever.  I am thrilled to be here.  I can't help but smile out loud!

I see this as a gift from God.

Yet….as the question came to me today, 'What does He want you to sacrifice, Elizabeth...'- I wondered, does he want me to sacrifice this- my passion, my love for being here?  Or at least, be willing to sacrifice it?

Or are these doubts and they really shouldn't be listened to? Or are they appropriate hesitations?

On my way back from a local lady’s house yesterday, I had the greatest joy reflecting on the evening- remembering similar moments from the past, when I used to live here- some of my most favorite memories of my whole life.

Then I had the greatest sorrow, as the thought came to me, “Who do you think you are to consider yourself able to contribute anything at all, to this country and the people that live here? What good could you do?”

I know that thought was meant to discourage me, and it did for a time.  Of course, it is also true.  I know I can only ever begin to do anything, or become someone - after I have first surrendered myself- fully aware that I am nothing without the One who has saved me.  That is true.

Yet, because He has saved me, and because He lives in me- I am worthy for whatever He calls me to.

So…that is the question.

What are you calling me to?  Show me, God.

What do you want me to do with this passion you have given?

Do you want me to sacrifice it?  What would that look like?  What does that mean?

You have called me up the mountain God, and while I ask questions, I know you will take care of the sacrifice.  I need only to reach the top!  Help me get there!

1 Year Ago....

Where were you at this time last year?  Where were you at this time 2 years ago?

Where will you be a year from now?  Where will you be 2 years from now?

Each month, I usually reflect back to where I was a year ago, two years ago, etc .  I also consider who I was at those times.  I look back to see where I’ve come from, what God has brought me through, and if I’ve learned anything, or not!

Last year at this time, March 3^rd, I was living in Orlando.

In fact, I had just moved there and had spent 3 nights in my new home. 

When I moved to Orlando, I subconsciously told myself that I would be there for about a year.  I knew this would help me truly invest in life and people in Orlando, and not live as though I would leave again in a few months.

Well, I have been investing in life and people in Orlando, and 1 year has gone by.

However, of the past 365 days, I have spent 161 days outside of Orlando.

That means I have only been physically present in Orlando for a little more than half of the year- and of course, that was not at all consecutive.

When I tentatively told myself ‘1 year in Orlando,’ – did that meant 365 literal days- start to finish?  Or did it mean the number of days that I would be present in Orlando?  If so, I still have about 200 days left- which could be spread out over another year or two depending on my travel schedule!

Regardless of number of days here or there, I look ahead to a year from now, or two years from now, and wonder where I might be.

Recently, I have felt like God is leading and pulling me more than He has maybe a few months ago.  Maybe I’m more aware of it, because it has been 365 days since I moved to Orlando.  Or maybe circumstances in my life have brought me to a place to consider life overseas once again, and somehow that invokes careful reflection and deeper consideration from my mind and heart.

Regardless, I know He is calling.  I’m just not sure where, when, how, or what for.

It could be that he is indeed drawing me to a remote village in a foreign country, to a people group I have been praying for, for a long time.  It could be that he is calling me to stay in Orlando, and invest deeper into my local church and my neighbors.  It could be that He wants me to continue doing exactly what I’m doing, but with a renewed passion.

Wherever, however, whenever, and whatever the reasoning for God leading me, I pray that I am ready and willing to go (or stay), and be, and do what He wants.  And as I seek Him, and His purposes, I want to give myself fully to what I know I am to do – the work that is in front of me – being faithful to this particular calling - remembering that He assigned me this work, and until He directs otherwise, it is the work I am to do, and the life I am to live.

This is for God' glory...

Some of today's testing Results from one of my South Asian story teams....

Story: Lazarus (Summary: Jesus hears that his friend Lazarus is sick, but waits 2 days to go visit him, during which time Lazarus dies- and has been dead for 4 days by the time Jesus arrives at Lazarus' home)
Question: Why do you think Jesus didn't go immediately to his friend, Lazarus  - Why did he stay 2
more days?
Answer 1- Jesus did not go immediately because that sickness will not lead to forever death. Jesus knows that through him God is going to do miracle. He don't feel worried about sickness of Lazarus because he knows that Lazurus will live again.  So he stay 2 more days there.
Answer 2- Jesus knew that God is going to do miracle through him so he don't feel any emergency. He don't feel any worry-ness, so he stayed there for 2 more days.

My Reflection - Since when do I know what's best?  Since when do I know when is best?  Since when do I know how is best?  Since when do I have a better idea of what my life should be like than God does?  Since when do I have reason to worry when my life is held by the One who created the Universe?

I am glad that I can rest in the fact that God knows what He is doing...even in the life and death of Lazarus - He had a plan, a purpose, and He knew what was to come all along.  He even said:

"This sickness will not lead to death, but to God's glory, so that the Son of God may

be glorified through it."   (John 11:04)

Lord, may You be glorified in me.
Throughout this day, this week, this year, and throughout this life that you have given me.

Leading, Rescuing, Delighting

“He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.” – Psalm 18:19

Dear Heavenly Father, tonight, I want to thank you….

For leading me – Even when I resist, and doubt your plan.  Thank you for gently guiding me.  Thank you for always knowing what is best for me, for always providing a way in, or a way out, or a way through.  Thank you not allowing me to wander into places that you have not already entered and prepared for me.

For rescuing me – Even when I struggle against you.  Thank you for never giving up on me, for never letting me go.  Thank you for your firm grip and unshakable patience with me.

For delighting in me – Even when I am not very delightful!  Thank you for seeing through your Son’s wounds and loving me beyond comprehension.  Thank you for calling me back to you again and again.  Thank you for being there.  For being here...with me.

May I follow your leading, to the safe place you have provided.

May I gladly accept and receive the faithful rescuing that you do.

I desire to bring you great joy, but even when I fail again and again,

may I remember that you love me immensely and continually delight in me.

“You know what the wrong notes are, why don’t you fix them?”

Saturday- 10:27am - I’m sitting here in Philadelphia, at Philadelphia Youth Orchestra (PYO) practice.  I’m listening to my sister play her violin along with a room full of other young, talented teenagers who gather every Saturday morning (of the year!) to combine the individual sounds of their instruments in a way that results in a unified harmony that cannot be created any other way.

What inspired me to write this morning were comments from the director.  I actually kept a list of them that I may post later.  But, for now, I’ll just reflect on one of them.

First, a little background.  The conductor of this orchestra means serious business.  He is in charge.  He is in control.  And if you don’t wish to do what he says, you can leave, and not come back.  Yet, as a result of his firm leading, the musicians in the orchestra produce truly incredible sounds.

At one point this morning, when something didn’t sound quite right, he identified 4 violins and asked them to play their part for a few measures.  Then he picked another 4 violins.  Then another 4, until the conductor had pin-pointed exactly which students had made the error. (Picture- PYO)

The conductor said to the students, “You know what the wrong notes are, why don’t you fix them?”

I thought about this for a while.  First, the conductor executed brilliant precision in determining the location of the wrong notes.  Second, he allowed sufficient time, and used necessary resources to bring the wrong notes to light.  Third, he posed a challenge.  ‘Fix it.’

So, now that the students know what the wrong notes are, the question remains: why don’t they just fix them?  Well, fixing wrong notes takes time, patience, perseverance, hard-work, energy, focus, discipline, concentration, resistance to distractions, training, practice, willingness to replace the wrong notes with the right notes, etc, etc.

I wondered…. if this is what is required for a violin student to fix wrong notes when playing a line of music, how much greater the challenge must be for us to fix ‘wrong notes’ in our own lives?

First, we must realize that we played a ‘wrong note' (often the most difficult step).  Second, we must willingly submit to those people, and situations God has placed in our lives to guide us, who reinforce the fact that we have indeed made and error -- an error that not only hinders our own growth, but also affects the rest of the orchestra.  Third, we have to accept the challenge, and by His grace and with His help, we must make changes that ‘fix it.’  (Picture- my sister Natalie is on the far left, second from the end)

This requires something of us. Something that we don’t naturally want to give. Something that demands attention to a part of our lives that we would rather ignore.

But through this process, I am reminded that my Heavenly Father is there with me - just like a conductor is there for his orchestra- through the right and wrong notes that they play.

Just as a conductor is keenly aware of sounds played by his orchestra, so my Heavenly Father knows me completely- inside and out.  Just as a conductor gently, yet firmly corrects errors made by his musicians, my Heavenly Father lovingly directs and re-directs my ‘music’ every single day.  Just as a conductor applies pressure that results in more talented musicians, my Heavenly Father gives me exactly the kind of direction I need that develops me into who He has created me to be.  Just as a conductor knows that correction draws out a better performance by his orchestra overall, my Heavenly Father knows that when my uniquely developed sound is united with the rest of the orchestra, the result will be the most beautiful music ever heard.

My Heavenly Father always has my best in mind, and I have no reason to doubt Him or His ways.

Conduct my life, Lord.  I want to play my best for you.  Show me the wrong notes, and remove them from my life.  Replace them with your perfect notes- beautiful notes that point others to You.  Let my individual sound blend so harmoniously well with the orchestra of life that the resulting music brings You great glory.

God's passionate commitment... He will do what He says He will

Most of today was spent checking stories for my story teams in South Asia.

Then again, most of every day is spent this way.

Many times by the end of the day, my eyes hurt from reading lines and lines of stories, researching commentaries, and trying to interpret field data that corresponds with each story!  After working on multiple files, often times for different language projects, I start to get confused and wonder if I have already made a certain comment for a specific project or not!

I try to recall if a certain team has determined to use one word for God, or multiple words.  I try to remember if I have already asked a team to give me more information about how a story connects with their culture.  I try to think of what stories are already included in the team's story set, or what stories they plan to work on as well as what parts of those stories they might focus on.  Knowing this will help me make suggestions that might call for an adjustment in the story that will better link all the stories together.

In the midst of the tediousness, nearly every day, I learn something else about the One who is the Author of the greatest Story ever told, and I gain a new appreciation for what He is doing.

Today, I was checking an Isaiah prophesy story from one of my story teams in South Asia.

I got caught up in reading Isaiah 09:06 -07 in a variety of translations…..

Isaiah 09:06 -07 -- Taken from NLT, CEV, NET Translations…

For a child has been born to us, a son has been given to us.

He shoulders responsibility and is called:

Extraordinary Strategist, Mighty God,

Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.

His dominion will be vast, and his power will never end.  His peace will last forever.  He will bring immeasurable prosperity.

He will rule with fairness and justice, establishing and strengthening the throne of his ancestor David.

This will be for all eternity.

He is all powerful, and His passionate commitment, and intense devotion to his people will make certain that all of this is done.

Lord, some days, as my energy drains, thank you for reminding me of your passionate commitment, and intense devotion towards me, as your daughter.  And thank you for reminding me that you will indeed bring to pass all that You say you will!

Impossibilities vs. Inconvenient

“There is a difference between impossible and inconvenient.” ~ Meuther

We often think things are impossible.  In reality, they just come at a higher cost to us than we think is worth it.  We somehow determine the value of something, and when the risk, or investment, outweighs what we view as the potential benefit, we decide that it is impossible.

The things that cost us more than we can give may indeed be impossible.  But the things that cost us more than we want to give are not impossible.  They are inconveniences that have deceived us into thinking they are impossibilities.

We talk ourselves into believing that something is impossible if it is going to cost us more than we want to give.  Many times, we have even convinced ourselves that it is impossible because we don’t have what is required.  We begin to think, ‘If I could, I would,’ when the reality is “I could, but I won’t.”

When we believe something is impossible, is it that we really don’t have what it takes?  Or is it that we really just don’t want to give or do what is asked of us?

Those things that cost us something often repay in the greatest rewards/blessing.  But almost 100% of the time, the blessing is not immediate.  Or at least the blessing doesn’t manifest itself fully for some time.

Perhaps when deciding if something is worth the investment, we even look to the outcome of a situation to make a decision.  We pull back because we know that any positive result, or benefit will take too long.  We again are inconvenienced as we feel that any optimistic return on investment will take too long, and in a society driven by instant gratification, this potential delay translates to us as impossible.

True, the benefit may be delayed.  But it is never non-existent.

Often a small portion of the blessing is immediate- it gives a glimpse into the realization that what we thought was impossible, was not only possible, but it was indeed beneficial!

Well…I could write more, but will stop for now.  All of these ramblings are culminating simply to say that…I want to take into account the situations in my life that I have labeled as impossible and really try to determine if perhaps they are actually inconveniences.  Some really may be impossibilities in my life.  In fact, I’m sure many of them are.  But I bet some of the impossibilities are just inconveniences that I have given up on because I haven’t wanted to give or do what I should.

I want to give what is asked.  I want to do what is required.  I want to pay the cost that is necessary to do what may seem impossible, but with God’s help, and only with his help, can truly be overcome.

Elisabeth Elliot Encouragement

January 25, 2011

‎"Keep looking toward heaven. Look around, and you'll be dismayed. Look inside, and you'll be depressed. Look up, and you'll be thrilled." Elisabeth Elliot

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

January 26, 2011

Your commitment must be to Jesus first and foremost - that is much more important than a commitment to a man or a woman.

"No one can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other."  ~ Matthew 6:24

January 28, 2011

“God has allowed in the lives of each of us some sort of loss, the withdrawal of something we valued, in order that we may learn to offer ourselves a little more willingly, to allow the touch of death on one more thing we have clutched so tightly, and thus know fullness and freedom and joy that much sooner.” ~ Elisabeth Elliot

You can't live in two places at once!

Thoughts sparked by conversations with my cousin…

While in South Asia, my cousin, Roberta, and I met up with Precious (the story crafter from my first story project).  It was a great visit, but also overwhelming as I heard her struggles.  My response was: “I should just live in the town where Precious lives.”  Then later, as we spent time with the Tea Town story teams, and listened to them share how their situations are extremely challenging.  I again responded with, “I should just live with that story team in their village.”

Finally, Roberta said to me, “Well, then you should just live everywhere……but you can’t – you can’t even live in 2 places at once.”

I paused as her truthful words hit me right where I needed it.  Even though God may use situations like the ones I was facing to move His people to different places, I was somehow incorrectly thinking that the solution to some of these problems, was ME.  Wow.  Humbling.

I can’t provide the Eternal Solution, any more than I can live in two places at once.  Hmm.

Then, as Roberta and I travelled from South Asia and re-entered America, Roberta said, “So…wait…did that just happen?  Is South Asia really there, or was it just a dream?”  She then said, “I can’t believe you do this so frequently, no wonder you struggle knowing where you belong!”

Her comment and the brief 24 hours with my family in Delaware before returning to Florida, caused me to realize all over again that this life and this world are temporary.  It also reminded me of the constant tension I feel as my heart belongs to lots of people in multiple places.  I then thought, if my heart fully belongs to God, then He will carry this burden.  He will not only carry it, but will take care of it, as only He can.  And while I can’t live in 2 places at one time, or even properly care for anyone at any given time, God is everywhere all the time, and takes full care of people all the time.  Hmm.

Okay.  So, God – here I am again – humbled.  Here is my heart once again- take it.  And take care of my dear friends in South Asia.  Take care of them as you have already been doing all along!  And here is my prayer for contentment to be and live in the place that I am in today– embracing you as my Home wherever you may call me!

Animal (AND PEOPLE!) Migrations

(1^st half is taken from National Geographic article)

What is it that makes animal migration such a magnificent spectacle for the eye and the mind? Is it the sheer abundance of wildlife in motion? Is it the steep odds to be overcome? Is it the amazing feats of precise navigation? The answer is all of the above.

But there’s another reason why the long-distance journeys of wildebeests, sandhill cranes, monarch butterflies, sea turtles, and so many other species inspire our awe.

One biologist has noted the “undistractibility” of migrating animals. A nonscientist, risking anthropomorphism, might say: Yes, they have a sense of larger purpose.


Animal migration is a phenomenon far grander and more patterned than animal movement. It represents collective travel with long-deferred rewards. It suggests premeditation and epic willfulness, codified as inherited instinct


A biologist named Hugh Dingle, striving to understand the essence, has identified five characteristics that apply, in varying degrees and combinations, to all migrations.


They are:
(1) prolonged movements that carry animals outside familiar habitats
(2) they tend to be linear, not zigzaggy
(3) they involve special behaviors of preparation (such as overfeeding) and arrival
(4) they demand special allocations of energy


And one more: Migrating animals maintain a fervid attentiveness to the greater mission, which keeps them undistracted by temptations and undeterred by challenges that would turn other animals aside.  These critters flat-out just gonna get there...They are driven at that moment by an instinctive sense of something we humans find admirable: larger purpose


[[By David Quammen- http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2010/11/great-migrations/quammen-text]]

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My thoughts:

In additional to animal migrations, there are also several people groups in the world that are migratory as well.  I’m generally referring to nomadic people groups who physically move from place to place (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nomad )

But, as I read this article this morning, I also immediately thought of another transitory group of people.  Those who have been called to live in this world, but not of it (1 John 2:15).  Those who have been assigned the task of fixing our eyes on things that are unseen in this life (2 Corinthians 4:18).  Those who have a place in another world that is being prepared for them (John 14:13).  Those who keep their eyes on the goal as they press on (Philippians 3:14).

These people are also on a migratory mission and have a undying sense of a greater purpose. 

The question then becomes, am I a part of this group?  And if so, am I appropriately filling in that space that is designated for my own specific two feet?

As a migratory being, am I:

(1) really persevering outside of my 'familiar habitat" or have I organized my life so that I can avoid moving beyond what is known to me, and what is out of my control?

(2) staying the course in front of me, or am I distracted by the mountains to climb, and oceans to swim?  Am I getting caught up in, or jealous of, a course that someone else has been assigned (thus 'moving in a zigzaggy fashion')?

(3) making special preparations (faith, experiences, education) to travel the course well?  Are these things keeping me moving at an appropriate pace?  Am I dragging my feet, and potentially delaying and discouraging those around or behind me?  Or am I running faster than I should be, thus trampling those in front of me?

(4) requesting Divine Help all along the way (as animals "demand special allocations of energy")?

And lastly - am I quiet as I travel along, or am I so excited about what is to come, that I can't help but talk about it with my fellow travelers?

This morning, Lord- please guide me on this migratory journey you have me on.  May I be a blessing to those around me, moving at the pace assigned for me for today – rejoicing in the frustrations and joys that will come.  Thank you for walking in front of me, holding my hand and leading the way.  Thank you for being there beside me, helping to keep my eyes focused on you and not be distracted.  Thank you for standing behind me, whispering encouragement to press on when I fall back.  And thank you for giving me a greater purpose to strive for, because of which, I can boldly and gladly share with others.